Saturday, October 16, 2010


I've been living in my parents home again for a year now.  Mom passed in July, Daddy 6 years ago.  Finally this week, we've started to rearrange the house.  Right now I feel as though I've been living in a museum full of the personal things of people that have died.  And they are family.

There are things here that belonged to my Father's parents.  It was they that bought the house 60 years ago.  There are a few things that belonged to my Mother's parents.  Little things she got when they died.  There are things that belonged to my Father.  There are things that belonged to my Mother.  So many things.

I want my siblings to come over and help go through the things.  There are a few I would like to keep for sentimental reasons.  But most of these things?  Have become clutter.  I want to put my own personality in the rooms of this house I love. Some days I feel angry that I have all these things in my way. Some days I feel guilty for wanting to make space for my things. 

I want to live here.  I want to love here.  I don't want to be a caretaker of things. 

It is time to clean things out.


  1. i went through the same things when my grandmother passed. i had a housefull of her stuff...some of it i really wanted but other stuff just wasn't me and it was in the way. i felt guilty for wanting to get rid of heirlooms and all that...but in the end, some of it went to other family members and the other stuff, well i just gave myself permission to sell it or donate it...

  2. Sherri, yes exactly the way I feel. I'm slowly weeding out the unnecessary. I'm thinking auction. :)

  3. Yes, you really need to do that.

    If it's going to be YOUR home, then, needs to be your home. Not the place you take care of.

    But I will be hard. Lots of memories attached to those things, I bet.

  4. Lori, thank you. Yes, some of it's going to be hard. But I think healthy mentally also.

  5. Sometimes starting over can be the best way to heal and move on. It doesn't mean you are forgetting the past, just putting it away to pull out when you need it.

  6. It feels good to go through.

    It really does.

    Following you now. I have much the same random thoughts as you, found you through The Bloggind Goddess.

  7. Blogging Goddess, there are several things I'll keep. Others I'll let go. Thanks for stopping by.

  8. The Empress, it's a daunting yet exciting task. Finding and sorting.

    Thank you for the follow, and yep, random is me!

  9. This sounds like a very healthy goal- make the house your own. I suspect you will grow to resent it otherwise.

  10. Kristin, I could not resent the house. I grew up here. But the things? I could get tired of, and I get frustrated with working around them.

    My plan on Thanksgiving is to have boxes for each sibling. They need to take the things they want.

  11. This sounds just like my in-laws house - they are packrats. My wife tries to help them clean things out every time she visits. Good luck!

  12. Gopopgo, yep. And we all got that gene from my Dad. The packrat one. But, really? Even I am overloaded with stuff. And that's hard to do. Or admit :)

  13. There is a quote I love, from a book by Paul Auster. The Invention of Solitude.

    "Things are inert: They have meaning only in function of the life that makes use of them. When that life ends, the things change, even though they remain the same."

    Your life is now.

    And the things that only hold meaning in relation to the life that is no longer there?

    They have to give way.

    For the things that hold meaning to you.

    In your life.

  14. Kris, thank you. That is just perfect.

  15. Purging can be so cathartic.

    You'll thank yourself once you've done it. And guilt? No way. I'm sure they would *want* you to do it for yourself. It's just life taking it's course.

    Keep the things with meaning and don't feel bad about doing away with the unnecessary.

    Being a caretaker of your own things is hard enough, am I right?

  16. Roxane, I've been working on it! Have sold a large piece and "gifted" another. It's not much yet. But progress, yay!

  17. Renee, thank you again. I feel like I could have written this post myself. In fact, I've been saying this, " I want to put my own personality in the rooms of this house I love," all summer. And, for the last SIX years (has it really been THAT long?!) I've been saying, "I feel guilty for wanting to make space for my things."
    I've been slowly making this space my own, but, honestly, it's been way too slow. I had good reasons (rare disease diagnosis and leaving work due to it), but I feel as though I can finally move forward. Your words are helping me see that too. Thank you, again. Thank you so much. :)