Thursday, October 28, 2010


My daughter will be giving birth to my second grandchild in about 4 weeks.  I'm excited with her.  Because she has to be prepared, we know this one is a girl.  As we knew her first was a boy.

And not only is she prepared for the gender, with appropriate decor and clothing, she is prepared to have this baby naturally.

Her first pregnancy had a few issues.  She was plagued with high blood pressure.  Her doctor had her on bed rest for most of the final trimester.  

This time there isn't any problem with the blood pressure.  The measurements say she right on track.

One day before her due date, he insisted on inducing labor.  Her blood pressure was too high for his liking, and the baby seemed large.

The ob-gyn she has chosen for this second child told her there was no reason she couldn't have a vaginal delivery this time.

She wasn't really comfortable with the idea of inducing labor, but doctor knows what he's doing.  He's done this before.  Right?

She is adamant that she go into labor without drugs this time.  No inducing.  No epidural.

Once they induced labor, I watched as she became more and more uncomfortable.  As she refused the epidural.  As she failed to progress.
She finally accepted the epidural.  She relaxed.  Still no progression.

She is determined this time to not have a C-section.  She wants desperately to have a natural birth.

The doctor and nurses finally convinced her this baby wasn't coming.  They needed to do surgery.  In tears she finally gave in to the inevitable.  The surgery went well.  We were told we could go to recovery to see them.  Daddy, Grampa (Hubby dear) and Daddy's mother all cooed over the new baby.  I took a quick look to see that he was healthy.
Then, I went to my daughter.  She was cold with the after effects of surgery and surgical drugs.  She was tired.  I counted all her fingers and toes to make sure they were all there.  I stroked her hair.
I told her I loved her.

I understand she wants to do this differently.  It's important to her.  I'm trying to be as supportive as possible.

But....I'm afraid.  I don't want her to wait too long to go to surgery if it needs to be.  I don't want her to jeopardize herself for the need she feels for natural delivery. 

She is my baby.  She is my best friend.  She is my life.


  1. I hope your daughter's birth goes great - I'm sure having a mom who cares so much will be a comfort.

  2. Megan, thank you. I'm sure it'll be ok.

  3. Ugh.

    I will just tell you that my older daughter's birth was a fucking nightmare. A nightmare.

    And I hold myself responsible for not having taking control in that situation. For not having stood up for what I wanted. For allowing myself to be swayed by the opinions of others. For being weak and passive and vulnerable.


    And my second delivery?

    I was stronger. More opinionated. More certain of what I would and would not allow.

    And my second daughter came into this world easily.

    And I know that for most people? The second delivery is easier than the first. I know that.

    But for me?

    The difference was that I was in control.

    So let your daughter take the control she needs.

    She will also be responsible enough to know if she needs to go to plan B.

    She will.

    I promise.

  4. Kris, I know she will.
    And I will still worry. Cause I'm her mommy.
    And I do hope she stands up for herself like you did. So far she is.

  5. This is so sweet! My mom would say that I'm also her best friend and life.

    All will go exciting that you are so close to being a Grandma again! It's such a blessing to look forward to.

  6. Natalie, thank you! I am excited. I keep telling myself, this girl is smart. She'll know what's best.

  7. That is hard, I don't know what I'd do. I'd do anything for my must be so hard to keep quiet.

    I will pray for safety and health.

  8. I am crying over here!

    (I'm not just saying that)

    Every word EVERY WORD. This entire post is what I imagine my mother must have felt with the approaching delivery of *my* second child.

    I wish I could have known then what she was going through.

    Oh, my. It's tough to bring me to tears. Thank you for this. Really.

    {{wishing you and yours health and wellness and for your daughter to have the birthing experience that is safest and healthiest and most pleasing to her heart}}

    PS- congrats!

  9. Renee, I never looked at birth from the mothers point of view before. How difficult! I birthed two babies naturally, one with an epidural, although vaginally. In all honesty, the natural births were SO much better. I did them AFTER the the epidural birth. On purpose. If you want to read about them, contact me and direct you to the link on my blog (so you don't have to cruise my blog) It's all about support and being prepared. Positive thoughts coming your way!

  10. Wow. That got me all teary. My first was the easier one & my second sounds almost identical to your daughter's first with the exception of the C-section. I ended up having a 10+ lb. baby & it. was. awful. The C-section your daughter had to have was probably a good thing, even if it was scary. Good luck to your daughter on her 2nd labor & birth - I'm sure with the plans & preparation she will do just fine.
    Thanks to Kris for sending me over here - this was a wonderful post.

  11. I know many a woman who had wonderful, complication-free births after a cesarean.

    A healthy, strong woman is a wonder to behold.

    And she will have you there.

    But, you're her mom. You will worry.

    One of the ONLY times i ever saw my mother cry was after I had surgery and there was one dicey moment where the incision opened and I was in agony. It only lasted seconds, the medical team was right on it. But for a moment, she watched me cry in pain, and she cried.

    I almost never saw my mother cry, and to see one of those few times be because she could not stand to see ME hurt, pounded home how much she loved me more than anything before ever did.

    And people think moms stop worrying after the kids are launched.


    Good thoughts for you, sweet lady.

  12. I just followed Kris' link over to read this, then realized it was familiar as I've read it before! But she's right, it's definitely worthy of attention.

  13. Renee, thanks so much for visiting my blog, and for your comment. You are too kind. And it truly means so much to me. Thank you. Every day is worlds better, as well.

  14. @The Empress, thank you for the prayers. And I'm trusting her instincts. She's a smart cookie.

    @Roxane, thanks for stopping by. We forget that our Mom's are always our Mommys. My daughter's birth was C-section at the last minute. And my Mommy was there.

    @Kim, my daughter is prepared. She has thought this out carefully. If anyone is ready? It's her. Thank you for reading, and I'm glad to hear each day is better!

    @KJ, 10 pounds! Oh my. Her first was 9lbs 2oz and plenty big enough. She was the same weight and breach, hence, my c-section.

    @Lori, it never stops, being Mom. Thank you for the pep talk and good thoughts, I needs 'em!

    @Megan, thank you, again :)

  15. Sometimes child birth just goes perfectly. My second one did. Hoping for your daughters to go smoothly too. Wonderfully touching post.

  16. Rhonda, thank you. She is feeling much better this time, so I'm hoping that's a sign that everything will go smoothly for her.

  17. Congratulations on the upcoming grandbaby. I'll keep you all in my thoughts that everything goes smoothly!!


  18. @jkatj Thank you! You'll probably hear first via WWF, lol!

  19. Oh, Renee, you've left me all choked up. This is such a beautiful post.

    I completely understand the love and protectiveness that you have for your daughter. And I understand her desire to have a natural birth.

    I will be sending buckets full of positive thought your way...
    Huge hugs!

  20. Nichole, thank you. I love hugs!
    And she's doing so well, her positive attitude is helping my attitude a bunch.

  21. AWwwwwww.. what a touching post. I was so lucky to have my dad at one of my births. It was a c-section also, but it was so nice to have him there to support me. Your daughter is going to do great! Try not to worry. And for some reason your beautiful post reminded me of this quote:

    The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh

    Big hugs from me to you! I will pray for a safe delivery for your daughter:)

  22. Naomi, thanks for the hugs! I'll pass some along to my daughter, and share with the grandbabies too.
    I try not to worry. But, I think it comes with that mother thing.