Saturday, January 22, 2011

Walking on Eggshells

You have a nice smile
And a charming easy laugh
And lovely blue eyes

A movie? Why yes!
I'd love to go out with you
I'm falling for you

I don't understand
Why you say mean things like that
I love only you

They were friends of mine
You are hurting my feelings
Bruising my ego

We go out to shop
You buy me pretty trinkets
To show you love me

Your words, like sharp knives
Cutting my heart, my stomach
My faith in your love

I would not do that!
Why do you accuse me so
What is wrong with you

Test the air each day
Which man are you on this day
Eggshells on the floor

What is wrong with me
That makes you be so hateful
Makes you hate me so

I'm tired of fearing you
I strike back with my own words
You have lit my rage

I pour pop on you
Your backhand bruises my face
You're a manly man

You hold me tightly
And say how much you love me
And then you love me

And yet another day
Your hand is around my throat
I kick, bite and scratch

"if this is blood here
You will be one bloody bitch
When I come back out"

I'm gone before that
Police car takes you away
My life falls apart

We talk about this
You don't know why you do this
Promise to get help

Together again
Broken promise big surprise
Eggshells on the floor

 A warrant issued
Because you didn't sign up
Now I guess you will

Meetings and talking
You begin to understand
Power and control

Things have changed so much
A struggle to be honest
Rebuilding our love

The word scars remain
Inside my heart forever
That will never change

I do forgive you
But I can't quite forget them
Though I keep trying

We are together
No more eggshells on the floor
No fear here anymore

You have a nice smile
And a charming easy laugh
And loving blue eyes

51 comments:

  1. Oh, my. I can't think of what else to say. I've known this young woman that you show so clearly.

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  2. LelisaP, the only thing to do is raise awareness. Not only of the abuse. But also the help that is out there.
    Thank you for stopping by and commenting.

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  3. Wow. Beautifully shared. I'm so glad help was sought and that it worked.

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  4. Megan, me too. It took 5 years to finally admit something needed to change.

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  5. Oh, wow.

    I am in tears.

    This is just amazing.

    Just . . . wow.

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  6. I also know that young woman...in my case, things didn't work out.

    Renee, wow! This is so beautiful...so powerful.

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  7. So powerful....and for too many women, so real.

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  8. Kris, there is no need for tears.
    Not now. There is only healing.

    Thanks you

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  9. Natalie, most often it doesn't work out, I think. The good thing is getting away from the situation in one piece. Too many women don't.

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  10. CDG, Thank you. I really hovered over the publish button for a while. Then just closed my eyes and clicked. It's a subject most don't want to deal with.

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  11. Tracie, thanks for stopping by.
    And sadly you're right. It is real for too many women. So many never get help.
    I was lucky.

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  12. Nigel, Hi there back you.
    Thank you and love you too.

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  13. The things that people don't want to talk about are the things that need to be talked about.

    Talking leads to someone somewhere, deciding to confide.

    Nice job.

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  14. Empress, that is exactly right.
    It is my hope that someone out there reads this. And picks up the phone, or simply says enough. And leaves.
    There is hope. There is help.
    The first step is to ask.

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  15. Oh, Renee.
    I know that before life.
    I almost didn't make it out of that alive.

    I'm so happy for you that you found answers and happiness together. Few people do.

    Much love to you, my beautiful and brave friend.
    I am so proud of you for writing this.
    I have a post in draft. One day I'll have to courage to share it.

    One day.

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  16. Renee,

    You are so brave to share this. And so forgiving.

    I am so, so grateful no eggshells are scattered on your floor anymore. So grateful

    Thank you for sharing this.

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  17. What a powerful post and message. Thank you for sharing. For having the courage to share a painful but important story.

    Glad to hear that the healing process has begun.

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  18. That's powerful and well written. I'm sorry you or any one had to live through it.

    ~Michael

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  19. Nichole, I'm so glad you got out!
    I'm always so sad when I hear about the women who didn't.

    When you're ready to let that post out? I'll be there for you.

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  20. Cheryl, thank you. And the forgiving? Is the easy part. It's the forgetting that's harder.

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  21. Melissa, thank you. The healing is a forever process, I think. It has been almost 20 years of healing. And sometimes, the hurt sneaks back in.

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  22. Michael, thank you for coming by.
    I wish no one ever again would have to deal with this. And my experience was not as bad as some. I was fortunate to have family support.

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  23. Stopped by from Pretty All True & I think I will be back to visit again.

    I have never had the courage, talent, or desire to write but I wholeheartedly support the women who do because I know how much of yourself is in your words.

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  24. Renee, this was powerful and I'm sure difficult yet therapeutic for you to write.

    Well done.

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  25. Congrats on being PrettyAllTrue featured blogger.

    This was inspirational and Ihope somehow it trickles down to the right hands.

    Well done.

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  26. What amazing- and often tragic - things lie behind what we seem.

    Very very powerful.

    The words.

    And you.

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  28. KJ, Thank you for visiting, I do hope to see you again.
    And take the plunge! I really don't think I have a talent. I just start typing and the words fall out. Anyone can do that.

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  29. Rene, thank you. It's been a lot of years since that time. But I was surprised how much I still felt when I started putting this together.
    And yes. Therapeutic.

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  30. Alexandra, hello again!
    I hope so too.
    If it could help even one woman...

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  31. Lori, thank you so much for dropping by.
    Thankfully the tragic part is long past. Though I'm surprised at the anger I sometimes still feel. It takes longer to forget than to forgive. Maybe this is a step in that direction.

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  32. Inspired by how brave you were in this post, hauntingly beautiful with a happy ending, thank goodness. Amazing.

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  33. Jessica, thank you.
    I was very lucky. There are not a lot of happy endings in domestic violence. There are excellent resources available in my city.
    We both found help and support.

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  34. For you and for others to whom this speaks, please know there are resources out there. One of them is anonymous and online: www.yesican.org
    Facilitated, online chat rooms. The schedule is posted and there is a bulletin board for open forum. I wish I could hug each of you!

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  35. Sharyn, Thank you so much for that info. The only resources I had knowledge of were local, and they were great. I'm glad there is online support for anyone that reads this that may need help.
    I will also check for links I can post on my blog page for anyone that needs it.

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  36. Renee, what an amazing piece. You write so beautifully of this harrowing experience.

    In my case, I got out. He kept promising to get help, would go to one or two therapy appointments or meetings, and then quit. He always had so many justifications. I feel lucky to have escaped when I did, and although it has been over 15 years since I left him (and after lots of therapy for myself), you're right that the hurt and pain can still sneak back in occasionally. Isn't it wonderful, though, to have come so far from that dark and seemingly hopeless place?

    I hope any woman in that situation who reads your poem will be emboldened to act on her own behalf and learn what real love looks and feels like. Abuse -- emotional, verbal, physical -- has no place in it.

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  37. Meredith, I'm glad you got out. Too many women don't realize it is the wrong kind of "love".
    I was lucky my husband finally got counseling. And it helped him. By helping him, we were able to rebuild our marriage. It's been over 20 years since that time. He has changed a lot. I have been able to find and keep the person I was.

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  38. SAHM, thank you for stopping by.
    And no need to cry for me, my life is good now.
    But there are so many women whose stories did not have a happy ending.

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  39. Such a hard thing to write about but it's so beautifully written. And very,very powerful.

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  40. oh my. I KNOW this life. I remember how I fought to figure out what I did wrong.

    eggshells.....perfect


    that is all

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  41. Lydia, thank you. It took a while to be ready to write about. Even though it was a long time ago.
    I think it helped me to write it.

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  42. PBJ, I'm so sorry you went through that.
    And yes, even knowing you did nothing wrong? You forever second guess every word, every action. To keep the peace.
    Thank you for stopping by.

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  43. I have been that girl before. This poem touched my heart today and took me back to *that place*. Thank goodness I got out. I hope it helps someone else get out, too.

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  44. Snuggle Wasteland, thank you for stopping by. I'm glad you got out. And I too am hoping that maybe someone will know they can get help.

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  45. I was forced out of my situation by my ex husband being locked up for another crime, but I didn't fully realize how bad it had been until I met someone else. I could never go back even if he did get help, because I cannot trust myself to get out if needed. Thank you so much for this, it definately needs to be spoken about more.

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  46. Megan, I'm glad you met someone that doesn't harm you. And you'd probably be stronger than you think.
    Thanks for dropping by.

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  47. Oh this was so so needed. Not for me thankfully, but I know it will help someone. And I knew you looked familiar, Pretty All True pimped you out not too long ago!
    Thank you for stopping by my blog as well, looking forward to getting to know you better.

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  48. Yuliya, I am hoping that this read by someone that needs just a reassurance that you don't have to live, or love like that.
    Thanks for visiting. And yep, Pretty All True is an awesome pimp.

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