Thursday, September 15, 2011

Advice From a Crappy Mother

Mama’s Losin’ It
I linked to Mama Kat's  this week. I chose prompt #5.) Advice to new mothers

I can hardly be called an expert.  I have only one child, because I'm not a natural mommy type.  Children always made me uncomfortable.  I lack patience, a necessity when dealing with young people. 

So, who am I to advise a new mother?  I'm an observer, a watcher. 

My first bit of advice?  Relax, New Mommy!  You're doing fine.  All the advice your friends give, all the stuff you read on the internet?  It's all someone else's opinion, it may have been good for them.  But, if it's not comfortable for you, it's not going to give you confidence.

During my scary passage into motherhood, most of the advice I received was from my own mother.  Most of that advice was good.  But, I found the best lessons I learned came from my own experience.  My own experience and listening to my inner mother.  Because i had that, though I didn't recognize it until much later.  I had that "instinct" to take care of, to love my child.

Did I do a stellar job?  No.  I did not.  That lack of patience was a problem.  My own selfishness, my need to not lose myself into mommydom, was a problem.  Being a single mother was harder than I thought it was going to be.  Then marrying a man who, even though he loved my daughter and myself, had control issues that made ours lives less than pleasant at times, was a problem.

Looking back, my biggest mistakes make up the advice I would give.

Say "I love you" more often.
Play those endless children's games that make you crazy until the child is finally bored.
Hug your child every minute you have.
Do not put anyone else in your heart before your child.
Take more pictures.
Listen to everything they say, it's not all baby talk.
Listen to your inner mommy, it's smarter than you think.
Say "I love you" more often.
No matter how tired you are, pay attention to them, let them know you're there.

And if you make mistakes, don't panic.  My daughter turned out fine, in spite of her mother.  She even lets me hang around with the grandkids.


  1. Great tips. All advice I should have taken when I was a new mommy.

    Wait a minute, I still consider myself a new mommy. :)

  2. Beautiful tips, I'd say you did a stellar job.

    Visiting from Mama Kat's.

  3. Sounds like you did a pretty darn good job to me!

  4. There's so much wisdom in this. So much.

  5. The saying 'I love you' more often is a biggie. My mother never said it to me (ever). I say it so much that my kids yell at me: "Yeah we know! You love us!!"